Not Myself
by neon
Summary: A rare look into the mind of Archie Johnson. Archie feels unnoticed. Molly Parker actually notices him, and is the only one who really knows he’s there. Only problem...they can't stand each other.
1. Introduction

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Title: Not Myself (Based on the song by John Mayer.)  
**Author:** neon  
**Author's Note:** You may recognize my writing style. I changed my s/n. I used to be Stripped, but John Mayer's CD fascinates me, and I love every single song on it. My favorites just happen to be 'Neon' and 'Why Georgia?' and I chose 'Neon' as my s/n. So, don't flame me for 'stealing Stripped's stories,' because IT'S ME, MAN!  
**Summary:** Archie feels unnoticed. The person who's known him the longest is the only one who really knows he's there. An Archie/OC centric fic, with splotches of G/S and W/C, N/OC, Greg/OC. A lot of out-of-lab interaction between Archie/OC, as well as in-lab.  
**Disclaimer:** Liz doesn't own CSI. If she did…woo…she'd have so much fun with everything. Everything would be total G/S…Hank would be gone bye-bye, Bobby and Catherine (I go for both B/C and W/C) would be hitched…yeah, ok…off topic. Liz doesn't own CSI.  
**Feedback: **Yes, please.

Introduction: Home, Sweet Home – Archie's POV

There goes my pager…again. Probably some desperate shmo from the lab that needed me to decode the life of some freaky murderer by watching tapes. That's what I do, you know? Sure, my job was great, and it was something I loved to do, which was something a lot of people only wished they could say. A lot of people would like my job, too. Being an A/V tech at the Vegas Crime Lab is definitely a very desirable job. And I had a strong relationship with almost every co-worker I had, which is a rarity nowadays. But for some reason, I wasn't happy. I hadn't felt at all like myself lately. My apartment felt different, my world felt different; basically, everything just felt different. I'd never been one to complain, though, so I just sucked it up, and showed up for work every day, with a smile on my face. Maybe I just felt neglected.

Even Greg (one of my best friends, and the DNA lab tech at the crime lab) was getting more attention than I was lately. He had some 'spectacularly wonderful girlfriend,' outside the lab, and she made him 'the happiest living person in the world.' Usually, Greg was the person I could relate to, but not anymore. Same with Nick (an on the field criminalist); his 'perfect girlfriend' had visited the lab, and I have to admit…she was damn near perfect. She had the whole Britney Spears look down, only a lot more real, and minus the silicone.

I was constantly asking myself why I stayed where I was, if I was so miserable. There had to have been something keeping me in Vegas, because any other man would cave in, and leave, if he were in my position. Either I was very determined or very stupid…or maybe a combination of the two. I was determined to make myself happy, and stupid to even think it was going to happen. That sounds about right. At times, I just felt like crawling under a rock and rotting there. No one would've even noticed I was gone, probably, until tapes starting piling up in the lab.

At any rate, that day (or, should I say, that night), it was particularly hard to pull myself out of bed. I felt like my body was about twenty pounds heavier, and my head pounded. I didn't feel like going to work, but I had to. _Another day, another dollar, Arch,_ I told myself, as I stared into the mirror. My reflection had never been my favorite thing to look at, but hey, if I wanted other people to be able to tolerate it, I had to at least try to make it look a little better.

After a quick shower, I went into the kitchen, and got what most people would consider dinner, but what I consider breakfast. Left over pizza. That's an ideal breakfast, no? Maybe it is for a frat boy, but not for me. I was young enough to be a frat boy, yes, but I wasn't. I should have at least had a live-in girlfriend who knew how to cook. Maybe that's what had me so depressed. I had no girlfriend, and I felt like a loser for it. There weren't many eligible women at the lab, either. Sara Sidle and Gil Grissom were attached at the hip, Catherine Willows and Warrick Brown had given many PDA's, which sent Grissom flying up the wall, mind you. There was only one woman left at the lab, and she was like the oil to my vinegar.

Molly Parker was an on the field criminalist, who sometimes got stuck behind the scenes with me, considering she specialized in A/V things. She was also the biggest existing annoyance in my life. She thought she was better than me, and whenever I confronted her about it, she denied it. She walked around with her fancy designer clothes and everything; it made me wonder why she worked at the crime lab. If she had so much money, she shouldn't need to work. I would only half-listen, as she explained things to me, like I was a twelve-year-old apprentice, and I was older than her! She was only twenty-two, and I was twenty-three! I hated it. It seemed, to me, like I was the only one Molly couldn't tolerate. Sure, she was smart and all, but there's somewhere people just have to draw a line. I just happen to draw mine at being talked down to by a younger woman. Call me sexist or age discriminatory, or whatever else you'd like to call me. I'm not. I just don't like feeling inferior…understandable, right?

Who knew, though, that the one woman I couldn't stand, over the next few weeks, would become my saving grace? Certainly not me…

~~

__

Suppose I said I am on my best behavior,  
And there are times I lose my worried mind.  
Would you want me when I'm not myself?  
Wait it out while I am someone else?  
Suppose I said colors change for no good reason,  
And words will go from poetry to prose.  
Would you want me when I'm not myself?  
Wait it out while I am someone else?  
And I, in time, will come around. I always do for you.  
Suppose I said you're my saving grace?  
Would you want me when I'm not myself?  
Wait it out while I am someone else?  
Would you want me when I'm not myself?  
Wait it out while I am someone else?  
~~ 'Not Myself' – John Mayer ~~  
**Yes, that's the whole song. It's a ballad, with a lot of guitar breaks, so it actually a three or four minute song.**


	2. Chapter One

Chapter 1/?: I Don't Know You At All

I felt sick to my stomach. Not literally, no, but it just seemed like everywhere I looked in the parking lot of my apartment building, there was a couple holding hands or something. I'm sure that wasn't the case, but it just felt that way. Maybe it was just because I felt so alone, but whatever the case was, it sucked. I got into my car, and headed away from my apartment. The first thing I heard when I started the car was my Incubus CD blaring through the speakers. I turned it off, though, because I wasn't even close to being in the mood for music.

I couldn't even specify to you one significant emotion that ran through my head on my way to work that day. That's how chaotic I felt inside. I pulled in, and the first face I saw wasn't exactly the most welcoming one. Ecklie got into his car, with the usually crusty look on his face. He watched my little Escort come into the parking lot, and his crustiness all but doubled. He loathed all people on the night shift. Grissom, Sara, Catherine, Warrick, Greg, Molly and myself…mostly the last three mentioned, though. I ignored him, and got out of my car, to head into the building.

Catherine and Warrick brushed past me, one on either side of me, without so much as a hello. Apparently, they were far too immersed in each other's conversation to even see me in between them. Hopefully they were talking about a case, so that I could justify in my mind why they hadn't even waved. Next, I saw Sara and Grissom, sharing a quick kiss, before going off in different directions. Sara, who was headed toward me, was the second person that didn't acknowledge my presence. Apparently, Ecklie was the only one that knew I was alive today. That's when you know life is sad.

Greg and Nick sat in the break room, talking and playing Playstation. I decided that for once, I would be the one to just walk on by, and not acknowledge. I didn't feel much like talking, anyway. I just breezed past the break room, and walked into the A/V lab, where I was greeted by a not so warm look on Molly's face. "There you are!" she put her hands on her hips, and narrowed her eyes at me, as I entered the room. "I've been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

"Molly, it's only nine-o-five!" I defended myself, not feeling like I really needed to. Why should I have to defend myself to Molly Parker? That was beyond what she deserved. "I'm only five minutes late! Actually, no, my watch is ten minutes fast! So, I'm five minutes early!"

Molly scoffed. I hated that preppy, snobby look she got on her face. It was like some sort of holier than thou attitude, and I wanted to whack it right off her face. Fortunately for her, I couldn't hit a woman. "Anyway," she continued on with whatever it was she wanted. "Cath, Warrick and I are investigating a rape slash murder," she winced when she said the word rape. "…and we need your help."

I was shocked that the egotistical Molly Parker was admitting that she needed help. I was also kind of wondering how she could need it for a rape slash murder, but whatever. She admitted that she needed help, and I was going to give it. "Ok, what's the deal?" I asked, a smug grin on my face.

"The sick freak left a tape of a distorted version his voice, to toy with us, and it's the only even semi-plausible evidence we have. I have a suspect, and Cath, Warrick and I are pretty sure that's who it is, but we need you to do this, to be sure," I saw a half-second of pain in Molly's eye. I have to admit, for that split second, she looked a lot humbler, and a lot prettier than she'd ever looked. That snotty look never suited her properly. "And, I kind of know how to make the voice sound like it's supposed to, but I'm still learning. Which is where you come in…"

I stepped up to the plate. I was being a lot more sympathetic than I thought I could ever be with Molly. "Sure thing, Molly. Where's the tape?" I asked, feeling kind of bad for her. I didn't know why she was being so sensitive about this, but it kind of made me see her in a different light.

She handed me a tape, and we sat down in front of the computer. In the few seconds of silence, which seemed everlasting, I could have sworn that Molly was about to cry. I wondered what had gotten her so worked up; but then again, part of me didn't really want to know. This _was_ Molly we were talking about. But then, this was a different side of Molly we were talking about. She looked like there was some deep running agony inside her, and I felt bad. I actually felt bad for Molly. "Thanks, Archie…" she broke the silence, and flashed me a smile.

"It's my job," I flashed her a quick grin, and then turned back to the computer. "Ok, let me hear the tape, first. So I can hear how warped the voice is, and maybe hear what was done to it…" I explained, clicking the play icon.

The voice coming through the speakers dwindled from high frequency to low frequency. "I killed her, and you won't catch me. None of your fancy tools will do the trick! At least she went out on a good note, though!" The voice was definitely male, though. I could tell that even through the distortion. I thought for a second, typed a few commands in, and then pushed play again. This time, the voice came through all deep, and very masculine.

I looked at Molly, who was listening carefully. "Anything sounding familiar?" I asked, knowing it couldn't be that easy.

She shook her head, just as I knew she would. "Nope…" she looked discouraged. "How long does this usually take?"

"I can usually get it pretty quickly, but the way this one dwindles from high to low frequency? It's gonna be pretty tough…" I explained, sitting back in my chair, and looking over to see the very discouraged look on Molly's face. "But then again, the next one I try could be it. It's hard to tell, really…"

She flashed me a quick, thankful smile. "Let's hope it happens soon…" she went back to her old self. "Then I won't have to be in your presence for much longer!" she crossed her arms, and leaned back in the chair. Deep down, I knew that Molly wasn't going to remain a pleasant being for too long. I hated her, so much.

I closed my eyes for a second, and then typed in another command, and clicked the play button again. Maybe I didn't know after all. Maybe something inside me thought we'd actually be friends after that split second of connection. "How about this?" I asked, before the words played again.

Molly closed her eyes and listened. Again, the harsh words came through the speaker, and she winced. "Actually, yes…" she nodded a little. "That sounds like the victim's father…" she looked on the verge of tears again. "You've just confirmed my worst fear. Is there any way you can save that like it is?"

I nodded, and put the now normal voice on a disc. "Will it hold up in court?" I asked, noticing how my question sort of perplexed Molly, too.

"I hope so…" she replied, taking the disc and tape, and heading to the door. "Thanks again, though, Arch…" she half-smiled, as she left.

"No problem…" I told her. Normally, I wouldn't care, but something inside me wondered what was wrong with Molly. I headed to the break room, to get a cup of coffee, and talk to whoever was there.


	3. Chapter Two

Chapter 2/?: Back To You – Molly's POV (Title inspired by an John Mayer song)

I had done it again. Back to my old attitude, which I always got with Archie. Whenever I was around him, the walls just came up, and they couldn't be broken down. Sure, he seemed nice enough, but you know what? I knew that deep down that he was just like every other guy in the universe. He was no different. Or, maybe I set my standards too high? No. This was ARCHIE we were talking about, after all. Still, no matter how I tried, lately, my mind always went back to him somehow or another.

I had actually acknowledged that he had talent at what he did. And worst of all, the walls had disappeared for more than two seconds. I had gotten him curious about my worst fear. I sighed, and approached Warrick and Catherine with the disc. "Archie just confirmed our terrible suspicion…" I explained. Catherine and I exchanged horrified looks, and all Warrick could do was shake his head. "I swear, sometimes, I just want to…" I could feel the heat rising to my face as I spoke.

"Moll, calm down. We've almost caught him, and he's going to go where he deserves to go…" Catherine placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.

Warrick gave me a quick nod, to signify that he agreed with Catherine. "Really, I bet he'll be in an orange jumpsuit before the month is over-…"

I interrupted Warrick. "No," I shook my head, and then looked at him, as he looked almost to be anticipating what I was about to say. "He _deserves_ to go to hell. He's lucky, if you ask me…" Seeing by the loon on Warrick's face that I had confirmed his suspicions, I looked back to Catherine.

Catherine flashed me a quick motherly smile. "Molly…" she started; only to be interrupted by my not so gentle tone.

"No, not right now, Cath…" I snapped a little more than I may have wanted to. I loved Catherine like a mother, really I did, but it was just that I really didn't need any words of wisdom at that point in time. I needed to be with someone who understood me. "Can you and Warrick please go tell Brass? I need to go talk to Sara for a minute…" My tone softened a little bit, as I handed her the disc.

Sara knew exactly what I went through. She had been through it too. Ever since I had opened up to her, she was like my older sister. I could always count on her when I needed a shoulder to cry on.

Catherine looked at Warrick, and then back to me. "Sure…" was all she could say. I think Catherine got the gist of it all, but she just didn't want to pry too much, and ask. She took her hand from Warrick's and gave me a hug. "We'll call you later, and tell you what happened, Moll…"

I grinned a little. "See ya, guys…" I nodded a quick goodbye to Catherine and Warrick, then, without waiting for a reply, headed to the break room, to see if anyone had seen Sara. Luckily for me, though, I didn't have to look too hard. Sara was sitting on the couch in the break room, looking over a file. "Sar?" I asked, walking into the room. I was so grateful that she was there. Without her friendship, I would probably be a lost cause.

"Hey, Moll…what's up?" she asked, looking up from her folder. "Uh oh, what happened?" she sighed, seeing by the look on my face that something was seriously wrong.

"Well, nothing bad, really. A case I was on just kinda reminded me of…you know?" I asked, not really wanting to delve into the subject too deep. "You remember, the…" I paused. I hated how I could barely say the word.

"Yeah, I know what you're talking about…" Sara sat up, and made room for me on the couch next to her. "Who was the perp?" she asked, suddenly interested.

"Well, Archie and I found reasonable evidence, in the form of a tape, to make the girl's father our prime suspect…" I held tears back. Sara was my best friend, and I still didn't feel comfortable enough to let my guard down for even a nanosecond. "Sara, it's all too familiar!"

"Molly," she hugged me. She was the only one I'd allow to get close enough to comfort me, when I got into one of my moods. "I knew I should have tried to talk Grissom put Nick on that case or something, instead of you," she shook her head. She had tried profusely to convince me that my working that case was a bad idea, but I wouldn't hear it. I didn't want personal affairs to interfere with work.

"No, you know how I feel about that, Sara," I shook my head, and cleared a lump from my throat. "I'll be fine, I just needed to talk," I explained, lying through my teeth. I could tell by the look on Sara's face that she was going to have me removed from that case, sooner than I would have liked. Honestly, though, I was kind of grateful. I didn't think I could handle facing that poor girl's father without smashing his teeth in. "And thank you for what I know you're going to do."

Sara obviously didn't expect me to thank her, because her jaw almost hit the floor. But after a couple seconds of thinking, she caught on to why I was thanking her. "No problem, Molly. I'll see if Griss will put you on the casino heist…"

"Again?" I asked, honestly shocked that casino security success was so low these days. "Damn, when are these people going to give up?" I scoffed a little, trying to rebuild the wall around my heart.

"When we've put them all in jail?" Sara asked with a shrug, and smiled quickly at me. "I'll come find you when I get an answer from Griss…" she said as she left the break room.

Before I knew it, or, should I say, the second Sara left the room, my mind was back to Archie again. On any normal day, I would have though of what had happened to me years ago, but today, I thought of how I had almost let everything slip out to Archie. How could I have been so stupid? I let out a huge sigh, and stood up to find Greg. I could always count on Greg Sanders when I needed a quick laugh. I wondered what he was up to today. But when I left the lab, it wasn't Greg I saw. And who I saw actually made me smile more than Greg could.

~~

__

Back to you, it always comes around, back to you.  
I tried to forget you, I tried to stay away, but it's too late .  
Over you, I'm never over, over you…something about you.  
It's just the way you move, the way you move me.   
I'm so good at forgetting, and I quit ever game I play.  
But forgive me, love; I can't turn and walk away, this way.  
~~ 'Back to You' – John Mayer ~~


End file.
